It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
