before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think a kid would responsible me up
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
