Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize