You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
