is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
