I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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