forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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