remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
