Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
