you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
try to milk me bitch
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