This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
