I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize