it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize