I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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