it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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