well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
