I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
