the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do vagina's smell?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
