so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize