No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
