I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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