Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
