Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
