I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
