You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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