You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
