At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
