How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
