absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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