I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
