Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
