We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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