I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
