Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
