That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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