Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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