:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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