Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
