last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
high people should be assigned attendants
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
