Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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