Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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