Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
