I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
