Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
