So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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