I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
