it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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