This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
