i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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