White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
