The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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