Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
