I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
