Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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