ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
