i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
birth control should be required to get into college
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
