I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
