Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize