You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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