I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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