these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
