STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We're too hungover to prance.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
