Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Drake has all the answers
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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