i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
