Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
