so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
