she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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