He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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