maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
