I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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