i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
